Smut
I had a few early morning errands yesterday, and had a few hours to kill afterwards. I was wandering around midtown, trying to find a place to have breakfast, when I found the new Borders on 34th St. I walked in with a small sense of guilt. The one persistent thing on my mind whenever I enter a bookstore is finding their Erotica section and seeing how well-stocked they are.
There are million other things I should be looking at and indulging in. I should find more materials to gain back my knowledge of Spanish, travel guides, Cuban history, books on alternative culture…anything. But I always go back to the one little beast I need to feed.
I wasn’t sexually active as a teen. I lost my virginity later than usual [not too long after I started college, but isn't the average about 16 or 17?] and didn’t really date until I was almost out of high school. The time between schoolwork and friends was spent at the library.
My town’s library was small. It was a one-floor building that was split in the Adult and children’s halves, and usually just overrun with children from the grade school waiting for their parents to pick them up. Naturally, the librarians would watch anything in a school uniform like a hawk, so I sought the shelves less traveled to avoid their scrutiny. Of course, the least tread in a conservative hamlet was the sexuality aisle…
Of course I knew the ins and outs of sex, but I kept looking for something more as I flipped through the texts that covered everything from masturbation to fetishism to gay sex. Sitting in the shadowy row, with just one flickering fluorescent light to brighten the page, I felt these little stirrings. The chapters were simply informational, nothing sensual to pull from, but I got a charge from the secrecy. No one was watching me indulge, no one was there to criticize me…I was taking in information that just wasn’t discussed, and it was all mine to keep in my head.
I forget how I got to Anne Rice’s erotic work. I’d like to think a basic keyword search, or cross reference between “sex” and “s&m” and “fiction” in the library’s search engine brought me to that better lit fiction section. _Exit to Eden_ was there, a red, hardcover version wrapped in that thick, protective plastic. I slowly pulled it off and brought it back to my hidden corner. One flip through the middle and I felt that pull again…I found what I was looking for.
I sat with that book for a few minutes a day, taking in each page and giving myself a mental tease between chapters. As soon as it got good, I put it back and waited until the next time. I wanted it to last…
I didn’t have the balls to check it out until close to Christmas. I was lucky and landed one of the more oblivious librarians who didn’t say a word to the shy, skinny girl in the grey kilt and school sweater. I remember stuffing it quickly into my bag, just in case she suddenly had any questions.
My break was the start of my sexual awakening. I had so much affinity for Rice’s Lisa. Even though everything was in control, everything was perfect, she still had her weaknesses and worked through them in such delicious ways. At the time, it felt so taboo and so kinky, but I loved that secret world, pressed between the plastic covers.
I further indulged in college and took advantage of the freedom to purchase what I pleased and not have to hide it. As a result of that spree, I own more Blue Moon books than I care to admit to, but I still get that erotic charge from that sense of secrecy, every time I pluck one off my shelf and read before bed.
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I felt it again at Borders yesterday, standing in front their still well-stocked section. I found this and was engaged by what I flipped through. The accounts aren’t just the dirty details, but the surrounding drama, and is pretty well-written. I had to be better about my money, so I just put it back and went to work.
There’s a Barnes and Noble on the way to the train station, but on most nights, I simply pass it by. I had that urge to go in and find that book again, and there was a single copy nestled in the Sexuality section. I read through and put it back, fully knowing that if my eyes scanned any further, the book would be coming home with me.
I never do this, but I’d be willing shave off the cost of the book from my next session if it’s purchased for me. It’s going for about $25-$29, so…this would function as a discount of sorts? Perhaps?
No, not really.
I just want to indulge that badly.
let’s not forget this: http://www.amazon.com/Switch-Diane-Whiteside/dp/0425208176
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I haven’t had a vicious session in a while. My brain must be wandering…
This is Really Beautiful
By way of Vintage Spanking Photos: http://www.vintagespank.com/
Get Ready, Boys…
Miss Tori went shopping yesterday morning…
This little darling is called the Profanator, and it’s coming from Daniel at Spankinc. It’s all maple with holes drilled in, of course.
Who’s first? }:)>
This Is About As Political As I’ll Get
This will be more interesting towards the end of the year, when change will hopefully be more visible. Raul is supposedly interested in re-opening Cuba to the US, but this is yet to be seen. I hope this doesn’t affect the recently lax travel restrictions, I want to see post-Fidel Cuba for myself…
I wonder how my Dad feels. I know he’s not quick to get excited, but I know that somewhere this feels like a small personal victory.
But we’re still watching. We’re still waiting. Here’s hoping this is the start of a push towards progress while maintaining their national identity in the 21st century.
My Valentine Postbox
If you haven’t gathered the courage to call, or just want to say hello, here’s a postbox.
Be polite. 
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